The Imposer, however, has decided that you ‘should’ only take up their preferred option. You wonder, Why make out that I have a choice when you’re going to attempt to do what the frick you want anyway? That, and they also had the backup plan of laying on the emotional blackmail and guilt trip with a trowel. Strangely enough, when you decline, it becomes apparent that they took it as a foregone conclusion that you would comply.
‘Imposers’ dress up their boundary busting behaviour and demands as ‘requests’. When it comes to discerning whether you are dealing with someone who has a problem respecting your line, though, especially when you’ve said/shown no, just look for where they’re trying to force something through, possibly with a smile on their face that doesn’t meet their eyes.Īny situation where your self-esteem and boundaries cannot co-exist with their position is a flush and go situation. I’m often asked, Natalie, how do I know if I’m dealing with a boundary-buster? In these instances, they are about dealing with someone who in their quest to meet their own needs, expectations, and wishes, sees little wrong with trying to force people to do what they want. Many stories BR readers share with me involve them feeling powerless, intimidated, blindsided, anxious, or struggling to understand why they feel so compressed by someone who is smiling to their face and telling them that they care or that what they’re doing is for ‘the best’. I don’t like being imposed upon, and I know that I’m not alone in this. Or, they try to force you to accept their inappropriate or downright shady behaviour.
I realised that you always know that there’s a major breach of boundaries and that you’re dealing with somebody who just doesn’t gel on the core values front when they introduce something in a fashion that directly or indirectly communicates that you must do it ‘or else’. Over the past few weeks, I’ve frequently used the terms ‘imposing’ and ‘imposed’. Tags: Abusive Relationships, Am I too sensitive?, apologising, assclowns, bullying, Choppers, core values, crazy-making, emotional blackmail, Facebook and Breakups, mental flush handle, Needy, Normalising bad behaviour, shady behaviour, shady people, shady relationships
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